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Open access to my full library of well over 100 blogs (see entire library by scrolling down) is now available by becoming a member of Lerner Child Development (LCD). This subscription service enables me to continue to provide in-depth content based on more than three decades of helping families solve their most vexing childrearing challenges.
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Positive Discomfort Part 2: Working with schools to help kids get through tasks and transitions
This blog is Part 2 of "Positive Discomfort," the concept that the stress kids experience when facing a challenge is not something to be feared or avoided, but to be expected and embraced. It is muscling through the difficulty or fear that builds skills, competence, resilience and perseverance…
The "Have-To": A simple strategy to prevent power struggles
When it comes to power struggles, the foundational problem is that kids have found a LOOPHOLE: the absence of a clear limit that creates an opportunity for kids to try to thwart their parents from setting the limits they don't like. The “have-to” solves this problem. Here’s how…
"This Is the WORST DAY EVER!"
Your HSC might have had a great day with lots of good stuff; and then one, often seemingly minor, event/disappointment happens and everything is ruined. This blog provides insight into your child’s mindset and behavior, and how you can help them have a more well-rounded and positive perspective…
The Beauty of Boundaries at Bedtime: When securing a door is loving, not harmful
Almost always, the root cause of bedtime battles is the lack of clear boundaries. Absent limits, things spiral out of control. This blog goes deep on how to set these boundaries in ways that are loving and effective, and make bedtime the calm, loving experience that builds strong parent-child bonds and ensures kids (and parents!) get the sleep they need.
When NOT To Give Choices
Choices are awesome and important for kids–to give them a sense of agency. But when kids are spiraling out of control and are not able to make any healthy, logical decisions, they need more boundaries, not more choices. These stories from the trenches show how.
Negative Self-Talk: Why it happens and what you can do
Children making negative proclamations about themselves is no doubt very distressing and disturbing. It is painful to think about your child feeling badly about himself. This blog provides insight into the underlying meaning of these statements and how to respond in sensitive ways that help kids work through these feelings.
"Mommy, You Are A Toilethead!" Why Not to Take Your Child's Words and Actions At Face Value
This excerpt from Why is My Child in Charge? provides insight into the underlying meaning of your child’s vitriol and how to respond in ways that reduce the likelihood they will rely on provocative and unacceptable language to express themselves.
Keys To Decoding Kids' Behavior: Development, Temperament and Context
In order to figure out how to help our kids in challenging moments, we need to understand as best we can what the root cause or purpose is of the unwanted behavior. This blog lays out the three key factors that can help you do the detective work to figure out the meaning of your child’s behavior and help them find more acceptable ways to get their needs met.