This blog features the key mindshifts that are also guiding principles for my work with families, that are key to helping parents be the calm, loving, connected moms and dads they want to be while also setting the limits and boundaries kids need to thrive.

A common conundrum for many parents who seek my consultation is how to impart important lessons to their kids who won’t listen. They reject, argue, shut the conversation down or put the blame on their parent. These stories from the trenches show how setting the limit is the lesson.

My clients and readers have asked for a cheat-sheet of the key phrases or mantras I use as I help parents solve their childrearing challenges. The goal of these messages is, at their core, to help moms and dads be the loving limit-setters their children need them to be in a way that is supportive, not shaming, a needle that can seem impossible to thread in the heat-of-the-moment, especially if you have a big reactor.

Absent a clear limit, there is a lot of discussion or negotiation, about....more books at bedtime, more things the child says they need to do before they are willing to go to sleep, more treats, more screen time...that opens up a big, black hole that the child fills to get their parents to do what they want. This is not just exhausting and maddening for parents, it is exhausting for kids. Here’s how to end this madness…

Kids having trouble making transitions is a very common challenge, especially for highly sensitive children. This blog offers insight into why transitions are so hard for some kids and how to help kids move through them in loving ways that reduce stress for all.

When it comes to power struggles, the foundational problem is that kids have found a LOOPHOLE: the absence of a clear limit that creates an opportunity for kids to try to thwart their parents from setting the limits they don't like. The “have-to” solves this problem. Here’s how…

“Demand avoidance”—a knee-jerk, defiant reaction to any direction to cooperate with a task or to make a transition— is a phenomenon that I see frequently in my work with families of highly sensitive children(HSC)/big reactors. This blog answers the burning question: What's a parent to do when many of these tasks HAVE TO BE DONE to keep their children healthy and safe, and to run an effective household?

This blog tells stories from the trenches that show how to teach kids who have big, sometimes aggressive, reactions to being correction in ways that they can tolerate and learn from.

When power struggles prevail, children experience a lot of negativity and anger from their very frustrated parents which erodes the parent-child relationship and leads to more power struggles. The “Two Great Choices” approach turns power struggles into positive parenting moments. Here’s how…

Mastering this skill of setting limits calmly and lovingly often feels elusive and impossible to the moms and dads I work with, when they first come to see me. But this dream has become a reality for so many; they are now in charge in the loving way their children need them to be, and it is truly life-changing for everyone involved. Here’s how…

Giving the extra time or additional chance often backfires because it teaches your child to negotiate everything, which becomes maddening and exhausting for parents. Read on for how to avoid this pitfall…

The humbling truth is: you can't make your kids cooperate. You can't force them to agree to clean up toys, stay in their rooms after lights out, sit at the dinner table, and so on. Here’s how to set the limits kids need to make good choices.

This blog tackles the thorny question: What to do when your child is not cooperating with an important limit or transition—a “have-to"—and the only way to ensure that the limit is enforced or that the transition is made is by physically handling them?

Choices are awesome and important for kids–to give them a sense of agency. But when kids are spiraling out of control and are not able to make any healthy, logical decisions, they need more boundaries, not more choices. These stories from the trenches show how.

Social media has led parents to believe that more is better when it comes to trying to calm kids: more words of validation, endless attempts to appease them. In reality, these strategies overwhelm kids and increase dysregulation. This blog shows how less is often more in being the rock your kids need you to be when they are in distress-mode.

The purpose of a limit is not to get your child to like, agree with, or accept it, or even to change their behavior—something you have no control over. It’s to stay in charge in the positive way your child needs you to be, and to avoid the pernicious power struggle that is so detrimental and destructive to both kids and parents. Here’s how…

This excerpt from Why is My Child in Charge? provides insight into the underlying meaning of your child’s vitriol and how to respond in ways that reduce the likelihood they will rely on provocative and unacceptable language to express themselves.

In order to figure out how to help our kids in challenging moments, we need to understand as best we can what the root cause or purpose is of the unwanted behavior. This blog lays out the three key factors that can help you do the detective work to figure out the meaning of your child’s behavior and help them find more acceptable ways to get their needs met.