When Giving "One More Chance" Backfires

Recently. many parents have recounted stories of giving begging children more time for a desired activity, or giving them multiple chances to correct unacceptable behavior, in the hopes that it will head off a tantrum. But in the end, it backfires.

Let's unpack it.

"Mommy, mommy, pleeeeease, just one more minute (on the tablet...at the playground...playing before bed). I just need ONE MORE MINUTE!"

"Daddy! I need one more chance. I promise I won't (hit my little brother...throw mulch...raid the pantry for a treat) again!"

Children are rarely excited about the end of a fun activity, or about a limit being set on their behavior. So, begging for more time, or a second...third...fourth chance when engaging in unacceptable behavior, is to be expected.

The problem is that giving the extra time or additional chance often backfires, because it teaches your child to negotiate everything, which becomes maddening and exhausting for parents. All the child's energy gets focused on getting more of what they want. One more minute of extra screen time turns quickly into begging for 5 and then 10 more...and then parents are done. They feel manipulated and angry. They flip their lids and resort to yelling and threats. ("It's never enough! If you don't put that tablet down right now, there is no more screen time for a month!") The child melts down (exactly what the parents were trying to avoid), and the whole thing falls apart. Nothing is resolved or learned. Everyone is miserable.

What to do instead?