Dealing with Demanding Behavior

I have been talking to a lot of parents recently who are struggling with how to respond to demanding, dictatorial behavior. Think:

"Get me orange juice!"

"Put my shoes on!"

“Bring me my blanket!"

Most parents find demands like this from their kids infuriating, understandably. Their knee-jerk reaction goes something like this: "You can't talk to me that way! I won't get you anything when you use that tone." This seems totally logical, but it often backfires. When we respond with a negative (and often revved-up) tone, it tends to amplify children's negativity and make them more of a "fascist dictator" as many a parent has been known to describe their child.

As counterintuitive as it may seem, I find the most effective response is to take the following approach: