"Mommy, You Are A Toilethead!" Why Not to Take Your Child's Words and Actions At Face Value
I am going to go out on a limb and assume that many of you who take the time out of your busy days to read this blog have a big reactor under your roof, who has been known to hurl vitriol ("You are a toilethead", "You don't belong in this house anymore") and/or is aggressive with her body--hitting, kicking, biting. No doubt, these are among the most vexing challenges parents face. And no doubt, these big reactors need to learn to express their emotions in more acceptable, healthy ways.
As I work with families to attain this important goal, a major obstacle almost always emerges: the parents' mindset. Moms and dads are interpreting and then reacting in these moments as if their child harbors malicious intent; that he means to be harmful with his words and his body. This triggers a harsh, punitive and shaming reaction that only reinforces these unwanted behaviors.
This excerpt from my new book, Why Is My Child In Charge? elucidates this mindset, and the mindshift that enables you to stay calm, not further escalate the situation, and ultimately teach your child how to effectively manage his big emotions.