Highly Sensitive Children: Is there a sensory piece of the puzzle?
I always thought Samantha was just more ‘intense’ than other children. Her reactions to nearly everything were incredibly strong. She threw massive tantrums at least multiple times a day over things such as having to sit in her car seat or accidentally getting water in her eyes during bath time. People would tell me tantrums were “normal,” but I felt it wasn’t normal to be having such intense tantrums so many times each day. She was incredibly impulsive. She also seemed to both seek physical input (for example, by climbing on others) while also protesting intensely any physical touch that she didn’t like (for example, an adult restraining her from an unsafe situation). She would melt down if someone else did something she wanted to do like flush the toilet, push a button, or turn on the faucet to wash hands, and she often didn’t “recover” for several minutes, even an hour at times. She also had a hard time listening to and following directions, so things like getting her dressed were often very difficult. I felt completely overwhelmed and lost.
I have found in my work that children who are highly sensitive from an emotional standpoint are also likely to be more sensitive to sensory input—to some degree. They experience sights, sounds, tastes, smells and/or textures more intensely. They may become afraid of public bathrooms because the flusher is too jarring and loud. They may reject foods that have strong tastes and smells. They may find bright lights uncomfortable.
These children feel bombarded with sensations they can't manage effectively which can amplify their emotional reactions and inflexibility. For example, Radha, who gets very upset when she comes into contact with any substance, like sand or paint, or when her clothes get a little wet. To protect herself from these uncomfortable sensations she avoids all art activities. Or, Marcello, who throws huge fits every morning if his favorite, comfy sweatpants aren’t available. He won’t go near a pair of buttoned or zippered pants. Children whose sensory systems are reactive in these ways are triggered to feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed by the world more easily. This means they melt down more frequently and intensely.
Children whose sensory systems are not registering sensations accurately may have trouble adapting to experiences with varied or more intense stimulation, such as: school/childcare, group classes, large family gatherings and birthday parties. These situations can be very uncomfortable, sending them into a higher state of reactivity. They feel more on edge and vulnerable. A child I recently worked with began refusing to go to birthday parties because the inevitable, sudden, loud outburst of the “Happy birthday!” song was so overwhelming to him. He also started to fear candles because of the association he had made with these uncomfortable situations.
Children with well-functioning sensory processing systems are able to be more adaptable and flexible, unhampered as they are by the range of sensations they experience. While the first few days at preschool may feel overwhelming, for example, their brains quickly adapt to all the sounds, the high activity-level, the frequent transitions and they are able to thrive in the program.
In addition to being less flexible, children whose sensory processing systems aren’t working effectively tend to be more controlling than children who are not struggling with this challenge. It doesn’t take much for them to reach their threshold and feel overwhelmed by the world around them. And, when children feel out of control on the inside, they tend to become controlling on the outside in an effort to cope—to minimize their discomfort. Typical behaviors include: telling other people what they can and can’t do; where they can sit; who they can talk to; and, how loud their voices can be. They may have massive meltdowns when something unexpected happens, such as when you cut their sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.
If your child is showing signs of being over-reactive to sensory input, it is very important to take this into consideration as you seek to understand and respond to her challenging behaviors sensitively and effectively. It can be very helpful to consult with an occupational therapist—the professionals who have expertise in assessing and treating sensory-processing challenges.
To learn more about sensory processing, see my full article on how sensory processing challenges impact behavior.
Final Note on HS Children
While HS children have their fair share of challenges, they also have significant strengths and delightful qualities. They can be very captivating and a lot of fun. They often have great senses of humor. They have wonderful imaginations and are super creative.
Because of how keenly tuned in they are to the world around them, HS children are very empathetic and insightful. I still have the most vivid memory of my HS son, Sam, when he was about five, approaching me as I was doing dishes at the sink—my back to him. He asked me what was wrong. I had just received some sad news but I wasn’t crying or showing any outward emotion (or so I thought.) He couldn’t even see my face. He just “read” my body language and sensed I was sad. Recently, a mom shared that when her HS child saw her crying, he told her he was going to make her a happy card that she can open when she is feeling sad to make it all better.
Sensitivity is a strength, not a weakness. (I cringe when I think about how these kids used to be called thin-skinned with all the negative connotations that label conveys.) HS children need our support to help them manage their big emotions and reactions that they come by honestly. Then watch them thrive.
CHECK OUT ALL THE BLOGS IN THIS SERIES ON UNDERSTANDING AND SUPPORTING HIGHLY SENSITIVE CHILDREN.